Rant 11-8-15

I know my hair is not who I am. I know my hair does not define me. I don’t need hair to be happy. I don’t need hair to be loved. I don’t need hair to go somewhere. I don’t need hair to fall asleep or wake up. blah blah blah….I need my hair!! I am so paralyzed by this loss, I can’t even put it into words for you, it has me by my roots dammit…I can’t shake it, I have tried…I know it is trivial it is just hair dammit…I know all of that!! That is not helping me! I am angry, F*c%ing pissed off, is more like it!! Why me…I am a generally nice gal WTF!! I am treating it with steroid shots just under the skin on my head (Yeah thats a F*C%ing party) and it is growing back in the first bald spots that arrived;  But as it works new ones arrive. In the shower I lose so much hair I literally get intangled in it, my tears mix with the shower stream! The loss is gut wrenching when I comb my hair and my bathroom carpet (I know rite who puts carpet in a bathroom, well it wasn’t me! I just have not been able to afford changing it, someday) any way I comb my hair and the bathroom carpet is covered more by me than by my golden/labs daily shed! What is the hardest…How truly uncomfortable it is making me feel with myself and the outside world…this is that awful gut wrenching full body involved kind of fear and it’s probably adding to the hairloss…I swear its awful. I use to have dreams like this as a young girl nightmares in fact of losing my hair and my teeth  they would just randomly fall out in my dreams. Here I am today 43 years old losing my hair at an alarming rate, I have already had 4 of my teeth yanked out my mouth, I have something called Likusplantes (questions that spelling) in my mouth, working on the rest I am sure.  What the F*&K!!!!! Did I make this happen?! OH I dislike this day peeps, I am not feeling well to boot woke up crawling for meds, waiting for some relief didn’t feel like restfull sleep. Ughhhhhhh!!

I have purchased some really cheap wigs…not happening, can’t do so very… self contious and they just are that?!!.. cheap! I need to save up money, which I have none of (money that is) and figure out a better quality solution. Or use a hat (never ever in my life have I been a hat person, so out of the norm for me. I don’t feel like talking to everyone about my hair loss or how I feel about it…yeah yeah they will all understand…it’s not about them…it’s about me and it makes me feel…I can’t do it!) I can’t talk about this any more rite now…Rant over! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Work in progress Mystical Luna Rose.

4 thoughts on “Rant 11-8-15

  1. Hugs. What you are going through is terrible, I too have fears about my hair falling out and I have a bald spot that brings me so much stress and upset so I can only imagine how bad you feel. All I can say is hugs!

    • Thank You knowing someone understands…Helps just knowing I am not alone in this consuming feeling, WE are not alone! We will make it through this , one step at a time. I don’t know how yet, as it is still so very new. Hugs rite back at ya…Work in Progress Mystical Luna Rose.

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