You know that feeling when you wake up and you try to roll over and you can’t…your back feels swollen the spine itself on me anyway feels swollen and I feel like some one smashed me from head to my toooshie ‘accordianed’ is what I call it. lol. It truly isn’t funny but that is what it feels like. I am lucky today in that it has not gotten to my neck thus far, and I truly hope it doesn’t. Both of my hands and feet hurt all the above including back feel swollen. I am hoping this is just a small flare that will be gone by tomorrow! This is ‘Being Scared In My Own Skin’ it can attack me at any time, and it is capable of putting me in truly high levels of pain scary high levels. When I go to the doctors and they find so many normal results and I have such high levels of pain, it makes me scared of going back. Why should I? They will find nothing! The pain is scary and you worry is this something I should go for? Could I be wrong about this one? Can I not handle this one alone this time? I hate it, as we all do!
I have lived in the house I am now for just over 2 years and I still have yet to make it home. Boxes of family pictures, art, knick knacks etc…still have yet to find a home on the walls here. I can’t raise my arms above my head for extended periods of time, I can’t hold heavy things for long, so I would need help the whole way, and I have yet to find that help. I don’t know that I have really asked any one for help though, so…it saddens me though, my son deserves to see this as his home, he is only 13 years old. He seems me depressed and hurting a lot. He has had to pick up more chores which he hates, I don’t blame him, he is not consistent what teenage boy is…but he does help me a lot. I am grateful for all he does, I want to make this a home for him, not a chaos kind of place. Something I hope to work on this New Year!
I hope to get into more exercise this year as well, not just for the extra weight my meds have put on me, but for my poor pain filled body, again I am afraid of my own skin, and the body with in, and what it might do to me when I start doing this. But alas it must be done, be for warned body of mine, it is time. We are going to start a regular walking routine. We must do you hear me!! Sighs I can do this.
Declutter I absolutely need to declutter my whole house, my closet, everyones clothes, my stuff/room, my mail, and my bathroom ugh I am not looking forward to this chore, but I am looking forward to the lighter load :~). My Brother has decided his Christmas present to me is going to be a clean yard, he couldn’t have gifted me one better :~), this I am so looking forward to. I will be holding him to this one even if it doesn’t get done till spring is fine by me. Just so long as it gets done. So much stuff came to this house that was not suppose too, a mistake that was made when I wasn’t looking lol long story.
This New Year I just want to get to know my new body with fibromyalgia, find what helps me most! Happy New Year Every One!